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The Word That Transformed My Relationships: Agape

Writer's picture: Greg ClementGreg Clement

Today, I want to share a word with you—a single word that has radically transformed every relationship in my life. It might sound crazy, but this one concept is so simple and powerful that I genuinely believe it has the potential to change the world. But before we dive into the word itself, let’s back up for a second and talk about why the English language doesn’t quite do it justice.


The Limits of English: One Word for Many Loves

In English, we have one word for love, and it’s doing way too much work. Think about it: you say, “I love pizza,” “I love my kids,” and “I love my wife.” You hear songs about love where someone wants to “give you their love.” It’s the same word, but it’s describing wildly different feelings and relationships. That’s where it falls short.


The ancient Greeks, though? They had it figured out. They had four different words for love, each describing a distinct type of relationship. Let me walk you through them.

  1. Storge: This is the natural, familial love we feel for family members. It’s the comfortable, familiar kind of love that forms between siblings or parents and children.

  2. Phileo: Think of this as the love between friends—warm, emotive, and full of camaraderie. It’s the joy you feel hanging out with someone who just gets you. Fun fact: the word “philosophy” comes from phileo sophia, meaning “love of wisdom.”

  3. Eros: This is romantic or sexual love—the kind of passion that inspires poetry, songs, and all those rom-coms we binge. It’s fiery and powerful but not the highest form of love.

  4. Agape: And now, the big one. The word that transformed my relationships. Agape is love at its highest form. The Greeks considered it the ultimate kind of love.


What Is Agape?

Agape isn’t about feelings. It’s not about romance or mutual respect. Agape is a decision—a commitment to act in the best interest of someone else, even if they don’t deserve it, acknowledge it, or reciprocate it. It’s unconditional love, independent of circumstances.







Being 50/50 With Your Partner
Being 50/50 With Your Partner


Let me say that again because it’s key: Agape is a decision to act in the best interest of another person, regardless of how they treat you.


This isn’t natural for us. As humans, our default mode is tit-for-tat. If someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. Maybe even a little worse—just to make a point. That’s how cycles of bitterness and resentment start, and let’s be real: they never lead anywhere good.


Friendships, marriages, and even families fall apart when we get stuck in those cycles.


Agape is the antidote. It breaks the cycle. It’s not about how you feel in the moment; it’s about who you decide to be.


Agape in Action: Real-Life Examples

Let’s make this concrete with a couple of examples.


At a Restaurant

You’re at a restaurant, and your server is giving you attitude. Maybe they’re short with you or seem distracted. Naturally, your instinct might be to reflect that energy back at them—throw some sass their way or even complain to the manager. After all, they’re the one being rude, right? But what if instead, you saw it as a challenge to change their energy? Maybe you use their name, offer a warm smile, and ask, “Hey, is everything okay? Rough day?”

Who knows? Maybe they’re dealing with something heavy outside of work, and your kindness becomes a bright spot in their day. Or maybe they’re just a jerk, and they don’t respond. Either way, you’ve chosen to lead with agape. You controlled how you responded, regardless of how they treated you.


In the Workplace

Now, imagine you’re on a work team with someone who’s consistently rude to you. They cut you off in meetings, make snide comments, and just generally rub you the wrong way. One day, you find out they’re about to present an idea to upper management, but you notice a glaring flaw in their plan. You could easily let them fail. They’ve earned it, right? But instead, you choose to help them—quietly fixing the issue behind the scenes or giving them a heads-up.


Maybe they never thank you. Maybe they don’t even realize you helped. But agape isn’t about their response; it’s about who you want to be.


Breaking the Cycle

Agape isn’t easy. It’s simple, yes, but it goes against our natural instincts. That’s why it’s so powerful. It’s most crucial when you least feel like doing it—when you’ve been hurt, wronged, or overlooked. That’s when agape has the potential to truly transform relationships and, honestly, your entire outlook on life.


A Lesson From My Father

The first time I heard about agape, I was 18, and it was my dad who introduced me to it. Suddenly, everything clicked. All those years I’d watched him quietly serving my mom, doing dishes, folding laundry, and taking care of our family—it all made sense. He wasn’t doing those things for praise or recognition. He was living out agape.


Why Agape Matters

Jesus famously said, “Love your enemies.” Without understanding agape, that makes zero sense. How could you possibly love someone who’s hurt you? But Jesus wasn’t talking about warm, fuzzy feelings. He was talking about a decision—to act in someone’s best interest, even when it’s hard, even when they don’t deserve it.


That’s what makes this act a superpower. It can mend relationships, heal wounds, and, yes, even change the world. And while it’s not easy, it’s worth it. Every single time.

Here’s a challenge to you: the next time you’re in a situation where you feel wronged, pause. Ask yourself, “What would agape do here?” Then act on it. I promise, it’ll change everything.

Because at the end of the day, it isn’t about the other person. It’s about becoming the kind of person you want to be. And that’s a decision worth making.


Learn to take control of you and your actions through R40, our 40 day relational sprint designed to build up your confidence, relationships, and character. Today is the day you decide to take that first step toward creating a meaningful life with meaningful people!

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