By the time you’re old and gray, if you get married and stay married, you’ll have spent tens of thousands of hours side by side with your spouse. Think about that—more time than any other relationship in your life. More than your kids, your parents, or even your closest friends.
Let’s put it into perspective. Over the course of 50 years of marriage, that’s more than 18,000 days. Even if you only spend a few hours a day truly interacting, the number of hours is staggering.
So here’s the real question: if this one person is going to be such a massive part of your existence, why wouldn’t you give them your absolute best?
The Reality of Marriage
Many of us stumble into marriage without fully understanding what it takes to keep love alive. We assume it’ll just work itself out. But the numbers tell a different story. Roughly 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. That’s nearly one out of every two couples who promised to be together forever, eventually tearing that contract in half.
Divorce isn’t just a piece of paper being ripped up—it’s lives being ripped apart. Financial devastation, divided assets, mounting debts. Children carry emotional scars that can ripple into their own relationships. Entire social circles feel the effects. It’s messy, painful, and far-reaching.
Now, let’s be clear—there are valid reasons for divorce. Sometimes, it’s the safest or healthiest decision. But when you step back and understand how central this relationship is to your life, it becomes obvious that investing in it and treating your spouse as the most important person in your world is one of the smartest, most life-giving decisions you can make.
Commitment vs. Coasting
When you got married, were you just interested in marriage, or did you make a commitment? There’s a massive difference. If you’re going to spend this much time with someone, do you want your best years to be behind you? Or do you want your marriage to grow richer and more meaningful as time goes on?
Your spouse is the person who will stand closest to you through the highs and the lows. When life hits hard—when you lose a loved one, when a business venture collapses, or when your health falters, they’ll be the one beside you. Their face will reflect your joys, fears, triumphs, and failures. That’s why this relationship deserves your absolute best efforts.
Daily Intentionality: The Key to a Great Marriage
Marriage isn’t about grand gestures once a year, like scrambling to remember your anniversary at the last minute. It’s about daily intentionality. It’s the small, consistent actions that build a foundation of love, trust, and connection.
Here’s what that looks like:
Listen closely: Ask about their day and genuinely care about the answer.
Speak kindly: Choose words that build them up, not tear them down.
Practice empathy: Try to see things from their perspective, even when you don’t agree.
Be generous: Offer praise, encouragement, and small acts of thoughtfulness.
Focus on their needs: Instead of tallying what they do for you, ask, How can I bless my spouse today?

When both partners operate with this mindset, the dynamic of the relationship shifts. The energy changes. You become partners in the truest sense of the word, building each other up and seeing each other flourish.
What About Your Needs?
This isn’t about ignoring your own needs or becoming a doormat. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, honesty, and boundaries. But what if both partners truly committed to putting the other’s best interests first? That’s the beauty of a marriage grounded in agape love—unconditional, self-giving love that doesn’t keep score.
Agape isn’t about what you feel in the moment; it’s about what you choose. It’s about acting in the best interest of your spouse, even on the days when it’s hard. Especially on those days. Because that’s what builds a marriage that withstands it all.
If You’re Not Married Yet, Listen Up
If you’re not currently in a relationship, don’t tune this out. This matters to you, too. If you hope to find someone to spend your life with, the best thing you can do right now is work on becoming the kind of person who knows how to give and receive love well.
Focus on developing:
Character: Be someone who can be trusted and relied on.
Empathy: Understand and value others’ perspectives.
Emotional maturity: Learn to navigate conflict and communicate effectively.
There’s no perfect person out there. A lasting marriage isn’t about finding someone who checks every box. It’s about two imperfect people committed to loving and growing together.
Marriage Is Hard, But It’s Worth It
Marriage isn’t always easy. There will be conflict, disappointment, and days when you don’t feel “in love.” But a great marriage isn’t about chasing a constant high of romantic feelings. It’s about steady commitment, selflessness, and a willingness to grow.
So treat your spouse—the person who will walk beside you through countless sunrises and sunsets—as if they were central to your well-being. Because they are.
Starting to Shape Your Relationship
Starting today, pay more attention to your significant other. Notice when they’re stressed. Acknowledge their efforts. Tell them what you appreciate about them. Be generous with your encouragement. Do something small and thoughtful for them, even if it’s as simple as sending a kind text right now.
It’s easy to do. And it’s easy not to do. But those small, daily choices add up over time, shaping the trajectory of your relationship.
If you commit to treating your spouse with the care, respect, and intentional love they deserve, you’ll find that your best years aren’t behind you—they’re ahead of you. A great marriage transforms your entire life, and it starts with the choices you make today.
To hear more about this, or if you’re interested in greater conversation surrounding your marriage or relationships – check out Freedomology’s R40 Sprint. Where we provide you with insightful discussions, advice, and exercises to improve the overall quality of connections you have.
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