This one might be uncomfortable.
Have you ever had a relationship completely fall apart? Someone you were really close with—someone you have amazing memories with—but now, all that’s left are sharp, painful reminders of how it ended? If you’ve never experienced this and you’re batting a thousand, congrats— we could all learn a lot from you.
But for the rest of us? When a relationship crumbles, it can be brutal.
I want you to do something different. I want you to stop pointing fingers and start looking inward. Because the truth is, there are usually two sides to every story. And if we want closure—if we want to grow—we have to examine our role in how things played out.
The Instinct to Blame
When you’re in the middle of a painful situation, it’s easy—natural, even—to place the blame outside of yourself. We want to identify the problem, and we want that problem to be someone else. But the reality? Relationships don’t break in a vacuum. More often than not, there are mistakes, miscommunications, and moments on both sides that led to the fallout.
I know this isn’t easy to hear. I don’t like admitting when I’ve contributed to a problem either.
But if we keep repeating the same patterns, how can we expect future relationships to turn out any differently?
The Four Questions That’ll Lead to Growth
If you’re holding onto a relationship that fell apart and you don’t have closure, I want you to take some time to reflect. Ask yourself these four questions, and be brutally honest with your answers:
1. What do I need to own?
If something can be destroyed by the truth, then it should be destroyed by the truth. That means if you played a role in things falling apart, you need to own it. No excuses. No revisionist history. Just the raw, unfiltered truth.
I won’t lie—this part hurts. Owning our mistakes hits our ego hard. But if you truly want to be free, this is the price of admission.
2. What do I need to let go?
Are you holding onto bitterness? Seeking revenge? Have you been using the other person’s actions as a license to act in ways that don’t align with who you really are? Let it go. Stop carrying it. And if you’re not ready to let it go completely, at least stop using it as justification to treat them poorly in return.
They did what they did. Now, you get to decide how you respond.
3. What do I need to say?
Is there something you need to get off your chest? Something you need to apologize for? A final word that would bring you peace?
We could also ask, What do I need to hear? But that gives all the power to the other person. You can’t control their response. You can control whether or not you speak your truth.
4. What do I need to change in future relationships?
If these situations keep repeating, there’s a lesson you haven’t learned yet. What is it? What needs to shift in your behavior, your tone, your words, or your expectations?
What do you need to adjust so this cycle doesn’t happen again?
Taking Ownership in Relationships
Self-reflection isn’t easy. It’s way more comfortable to stay in the cycle of blaming others. But that won’t bring you peace. That won’t bring growth. The only way forward is through.
So grab a journal. Write down these four questions. And be honest with yourself.
If you’re finding yourself stuck in your own head, struggling to understand why your relationships aren’t as strong as they could be, or having trouble even forming real, genuine connections—then it’s time to go deeper. It's time to start taking ownership in your relationships.
Check out R40, our 40-day relationship-based sprint designed to help you master the psychology and importance of genuine connection. Through daily insights and actionable steps, you’ll learn how to break through emotional barriers, create m
eaningful experiences with loved ones, and cultivate relationships that truly fulfill you. This isn’t just about improving your relationships—it’s about unlocking a deeper sense of personal freedom and connection.
If you’re ready to do the inner work, take action, and finally build the relationships you’ve always wanted, then R40 is for you.
Join R40 and start the transformation today.
ความคิดเห็น