Have you ever been so deeply hurt by someone that it felt impossible to move on?
Maybe it was a close friend who betrayed your trust. Maybe it was a spouse who broke vows. Maybe it was a family member who said something that cut so deep it still stings years later.
Whatever it was, you’re not alone.
Hurt is universal. We all experience it in some form. But the bigger question is—what do we do with it?
For many people, the answer is hold on.
Replay the conversations. Rehearse the pain. Let bitterness take root and grow.
But here’s the problem: when you refuse to forgive, you don’t imprison them—you imprison yourself.
Unforgiveness: The Poison You Keep Drinking
It’s been said that refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Think about that for a second.
When you carry resentment, who suffers? You do. You’re the one stuck in the emotional cycle, reliving the offense, feeling that familiar knot in your stomach. The person who hurt you? They might not even be thinking about it.
They could be going about their life while you stay trapped in the past.
That’s the brutal irony—unforgiveness doesn’t just fail to punish them, it actually punishes you.
It turns into anger, stress, even physical ailments. Studies show that people who hold onto grudges experience higher blood pressure, increased anxiety, and even weakened immune function.
Unforgiveness doesn’t just hurt your soul. It hurts your body.
And yet, forgiving someone isn’t easy. If it were, we’d all do it effortlessly.
So let’s talk about what forgiveness actually is—and what it isn’t.
What Forgiveness Really Means (And What It Doesn’t)
A lot of people get tripped up on forgiveness because they think it means saying, “It’s fine.”
It doesn’t.
Forgiveness is not:
Pretending the offense never happened
Letting the person back into your life automatically
Ignoring consequences
Suppressing your feelings
It doesn’t mean you excuse the behavior. It doesn’t mean you trust them again. And it definitely doesn’t mean they avoid accountability.
So what is it?
At its core, forgiveness is a decision to release your need for revenge.
It’s a commitment to seeing the other person as more than just the worst thing they’ve ever done to you. It’s choosing to stop replaying the offense in your mind, not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace.
It doesn’t mean you forget—it means you let go.
And that distinction matters.
Because a lot of people hold onto resentment, thinking it protects them.
It doesn’t.
It just keeps them stuck.
Why Holding On Is a Trap
When someone wrongs you, it’s natural to feel like a victim. After all, you didn’t ask for this. You didn’t want the betrayal, the lies, the hurt.
But here’s where things get dangerous: when you stay stuck in victim mode, the person who hurt you still has power over you.
They’re still controlling your emotions. They’re dictating your thoughts. They’re influencing your ability to move forward.
You can spend years in this cycle. Some people live their entire lives this way.
They never truly heal because they never truly release the past.
And listen, I get it. When someone wrongs you, it feels personal. It feels like they sat down and thought, How can I hurt this person the most?
But most of the time, people don’t even realize the full weight of what they’ve done.
That doesn’t excuse them. It doesn’t mean they get a free pass.
But it does mean you have a choice:
Stay locked in anger, bitterness, and resentment.
Or choose to let it go and reclaim your peace.
The 70×7 Rule: Forgiveness Is a Process
Here’s another hard truth: forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done thing.
You don’t just say, Okay, I forgive them, and suddenly feel 100% better.
You might forgive someone in the morning and then feel the resentment creeping back by lunch. That’s normal.
That’s why Jesus told his disciples to forgive “seventy times seven.”
That doesn’t mean keeping a tally until you hit 490 and then cutting someone off—it means forgiveness is ongoing. It’s a choice you have to make again and again and again.
And each time you choose to forgive, you chip away at the power the offense has over you.
Eventually, the grip loosens.
Eventually, the pain fades.
And eventually, you’re free.
Who Do You Need to Forgive?
So here’s the question:
Who are you still holding onto?
What memory still tightens your chest? What offense still plays on a loop in your mind?
Are you ready to release it?
Because forgiveness isn’t just about setting the other person free.
It’s about setting yourself free.
And if you’re struggling with this—if you’re stuck in old wounds, repeating the same patterns, unable to truly move forward—it might be time to go deeper.
That’s why we created R40—a 40-day relationship sprint designed to help you break through emotional barriers, heal past wounds, and build genuine connections that actually fulfill you.
Because this isn’t just about forgiving others.
It’s about reclaiming your peace.
It’s about getting unstuck.
It’s about finally moving forward.
So if you’re ready to take that step—to finally release what’s been holding you back—then R40 is for you.
🔗 Join R40 today and take your first step toward real freedom. freedomology.com/r40
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